Why Farts Are Awesome

People are too uptight. Or peradventure stack conscionable dont realize how funny malarkeying actually is. And by people, I mean the feminine half of the population. The difference in survey between the sexes on the humorous value of a high-priced confidential information is one of the most seeing signs that men are far more(prenominal) evolved than women. Or at least father a better sense of humor. Dammit, farts are funny. So what brought this on, you ask? Well today at work, I had to fart. So naturally I ran all over to where one of my coworkers was standing, lifted my leg, thuded my daring up, and let er rip. Apparently, that was rude.Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuse me. After I farted on my coworker, every individual(a) male working starting express mirth their dirty doges off, and the females looked at me as if Id equitable committed the most heinous crime one can commit. The handler tried to keep the peace by p olitely asking me to non fart on people, exactly it was one of those times where youre trying to tell somebody not to do something, yet you just cant stop laughing. I was forced to admit that farting on someone is rude. Yeah, so? Its similarly very freakin hilarious.We do it to each other all the time, well, the guys anyway. Well run over to each others workstations, rip one off, then run away laughing as the other person covers their nose. Then an hour later theyll land us back. And you know what? Its damn funny too. So of extend when I farted on my coworker people asked me if I would think its funny if someone farted on me. Not especially, but it would be damn funny to them, and if they did it to me and didnt laugh, Id kick their ass. Of course it isnt funny if youre on the receiving end, but its comedic gold if you de blend inr a timely stinker to a friend.The humor value of a fart is judged by the level of humor in the eyes of the farter and the third-party audience, if ap plicable. The fartees perspective doesnt count. Thats the whole propose of getting a good laugh at the expense of others. I dont mind if people get a laugh at my expense. Its the rules of the game, you live by the sword and die by the sword. I can subject a fart from someone else, but you can bet your ass Ill be delivering one with your name on it. You see, if God didnt want people to fart on each other, he wouldnt control made it so funny.God wants us to fart in the funniest manner possible. Usually that involves assaulting the rhinal passages of your fellow man. Farting is just funny. I mean think almost it, it stinks, it makes a funny noise, and it comes out of your ass, how could it possibly get any funnier than that? As a matter of fact, I challenge you to name five things in life that are funnier than nailing somebody else with a big stinky fart. I dont think its possible. To help all of you appreciate the art of farting a little more, I have taken the liberty of coming u p with a few farting tips from a farting pro.If possible, make certain(a) someone else gets the pleasure of smelling your fart. A fart nobody else smells or hears is an opportunity wasted and lost forever. If you have to fart and youre standing future(a) to someone, bend your ass and aim toward them. This doesnt really make it any smellier for them, but it adds dramatic effect and makes the experience funnier. If you have to fart, and nobody is standing well(p) next to you, hunt someone d give birth, then lift your leg, scrunch up your face, and let it go.For bonus points, try to corner someone and then fart on them. Also for bonus, get down on your knees as though youre looking for something on the ground. Ask for help. As soon as the good samaritan gets on their knees to help you, quickly move your ass right up next to their face and let go. When someone is giving their opinion and you have to fart, utter You know what I think rough that? and then scrunch up your face and fa rt. When you have to fart and someone is walking in your direction, hold the fart until the are directly behind you, then release.If youre seated down when you fart, lift the ass cheek facing the person closest to you, that way they get the full effect. Upon completion of the fart, say aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, as though youve just taken an eleven-pound shit. Quickly claim the fart as your own handiwork, especially to those who didnt hear it. If you dont tell them, they may never know you just farted. Raise your arms over your head as though youve just won the World Heavyweight Title in front of thousands of people. hail what it was that made you fart. Make sure to use lots of description.Rather than say I need to stop eating so much Mexican food, say God damn, those three bean burritos went right through and through me, Ill be lucky if I dont get diarrhea. Describe to all well-nigh you how the fart felt as it came out. For example, was it a wet one? A cheek burner ? Did you feel like a giant gas cardcastle in your stomach popped with the farts release? Do you need to go to the public lavatory just to make sure a little feces didnt extend as well? Rate the fart. Unless it was a dud, in which case you shouldnt have done all the buildup. But if it was a good one, talk about what a great fart it was and how you wish youd had a video camera.